As part of Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month, Melissa shares what she wishes she knew about cerebral palsy when she was younger.
I have had Cerebral Palsy for nineteen years (my entire life) despite this I feel like I am always learning something new about the nature of my condition. There are so many things I wish I’d known when I was a child with CP that would’ve helped me understand how to navigate the world with positivity rather than constantly feeling held back by barriers.
I spent so much time wishing I could ‘fix’ the way I moved, spoke, or struggled with certain tasks. I saw tasks as either something I could or couldn’t do rather than wanting to adapt them. I wish I could go back and tell myself that CP isn’t something to be cured or conquered—it’s just a different way of existing in the world. It’s okay to need accommodations, to move at your own pace, and to define success on your own terms.
There were (and still are) times I pushed myself too hard, trying to ‘prove’ I could do everything on my own. But as a university student who still relies on her parents I know that independence doesn’t mean doing everything by yourself—it means knowing when to ask for support. For example, I spent so long telling my mother that I didn’t want a personal assistant because I wanted to be independent but then once I got my PA I realised how much more freedom I had to go places with her rather than always needing my parents with me.
Frustration is part of having CP. There’s been countless times I’ve felt like screaming at my own body, resenting all the extra effort everything takes and how people treat me differently. When I was little I had a very “why me?” attitude and unsurprisingly that didn’t get me very far. It’s probably only now I’m an adult that I’ve fully accepted that this is just how my life is and most of my self-acceptance has come from how much I’ve been able to get out of writing about my disability. Without cerebral palsy, I don’t think I would’ve been ‘a writer’ because when you have a clear voice I don’t think you understand the power of being instantly understood through writing. I like to remind myself of this when the inevitable frustration creeps in.
A huge thing that I wish I’d realised at secondary school is that pushing through exhaustion won’t make you more ‘normal’ or ‘productive’. Nobody is going to give you a gold medal for pretending you’re fine when you’re exhausted. CP means your body works harder than most people’s, and that means I needed more rest. I was so determined not to be on a part-time timetable and school because I thought it would mean I wasn’t “as good” as everyone else but looking back, if I hadn’t cut down the amount of subjects I did at school I wouldn’t have had the energy to get the grades I needed to get into university.
Finally, I wish I’d been told from the get-go that the world isn’t built for disabled people. Struggling to make friends and access places or opportunities, that wasn’t a me problem —it was a society problem. I wasn’t “being dramatic” or “difficult” for wanting accessibility. Disabled people deserve to exist in spaces without having to fight for the accommodation we need.
